Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Otomen - episode 5 recap

Still at the beach, Asuka trains and Bad Hair Dude comes over.

I disagree. I've seen better looking sunfish. I fucking love those guys. I was once at Oceanário and I had already been there a couple of times, so I have no idea how I missed it, but I was incredibly startled by one. It went more or less like this:

Cherry: *stares at pretty fish* ...this is so soothing. Ooh, there's a stingray! And that one is quite colorf—WHATHTEFUCKISTHAT.
Sunfish: *looms*


Cherry: I love sunfish!

No idea what that is. Fantastic.

Do you really? Because his hair is even worse in this fantasy.

Translation = he has blue balls. Girly, sparkly blue balls.

Exibit A.

The drama here is that there's another beach hut that's attracting a lot more customers. Also, it's buying all the small huts so Bad Hair Dude's uncle is in danger of losing his.

The finesse of a 5 year old. (If you are confused, this is Asuka's attempt at creating FANCY DRINKS to attract little girls THE LADIES.)

So, the evil beach hut is actually a sort club? That board with the pictures sure looks like one you'd find a host club.

Yep, they are singing songs because that girl just paid a shitload of money for booze. For those of you who are puzzled, that's how host clubs work. The hosts sweet talk the girls into buying bottles of wine – the more expensive the better – and even though the girl only ends up drinking a glass or two of that wine, she feels nice because of all the attention it brings. That, and they pretend like they love them, but never put out. Assholes.

That, by the way, is the leader of the mean girls. I don't think I've really mentioned her before, but as she is annoying AND pointless, I thought I'd spare you.

Yep, host club all the way. Also, Bad Hair Dude totally has host hair.

Also, I really recommend watching “The Great Happiness Space”, if you are interested in this subject. You can watch it here or here. It's a bit depressing/shocking (as for what the girls do to maintain their frequent host club visits and the cold stance of most of the guys), but also a really great insight into that world.

You will not notice this, but I actually spent an hour going through host club stuff – articles and the like – before coming back to the episode. THAT'S HOW INTERESTING THIS SHOW IS.

Sure, let him take the top. *coughs* Anyway, there's a confrontation between the host beach club dudes and our guys, which inevitably produces the “sports competition” bit of this episode.

Of course. First off, it's beach soccer.

And from the look of that sand, I'd say this is a tough one. As I live in a country where beaches are plentiful, it irks me to think about stepping on that black, thick sand. I have very sensible troll feet, okay?

The host club guys win. Next,

Holding your breath underwater. Too bad our guys don't have Guybrush on their team. They'd win this easily.

And in a genius move, they decide to kill Isono by tying him to a rock so he can stay under the longest.

Aquality. Flawless victory. They win, and Isono is probably dead, so it's all good.

This is sure is a happy picture. YAY, THEY KILLED A PERSON BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO WIN. There's even a little montage.

Because your muscles are so evidently there, huh? I don't call you THIN Guy From Bleach for no reason.

This time, they have to run to a flag and catch it. Thin Guy From Bleach succeeds.

Then, they choose Bad Hair Dude to compete in the same event against a guy that is constantly making fun of his girly looks. What an asshole. If you are going to make fun of him, don't just insult him randomly, talk about his hair! Seriously, it never moves. He's on a beach, running around, and the motherfucker is still in place.

The bad guy pushes him, and he falls flat on his face. His hair is still impeccable.

The final run, of course, depends on Asuka. It's close...

But our MANLY MAN wins.

With the win, come the fruits they needed to make MANLY drinks, and all seems to be going fine. Note that I wrote this sentence while pausing the video, i.e., I haven't seen the rest of the episode, but I KNOW this doesn't stop here.

Pop quiz : who made these? If you answered “Thin Guy From Bleach”, you are correct. There's even a girl walking around with a flower on her boob. He sure gets around.

Bad Hair Dude is attacked (we don't quite see it, but it was probably a strong insult or something) and is all bandaged up when...

HE DIDN'T DIE. Why doesn't anyone ever die on this show?

Anyway, the next day, the host club guys are trashing the place and Asuka tells Bad Hair Dude to man up . He does so.

SRS BUSINESS FACE IS SRS. He then gets even more SRS.

I know I'm not supposed to take this seriously, but come on, this is bad. I WILL TAUNT YOU BY PULLING MY HAIR BACK.

To my surprise, it doesn't work. Plus, suddenly, it's five guys against that hair. So, after letting Bad Hair Dude suffer for ten minutes, Asuka steps in, only to be stopped by the owner of the shabby beach hut (Bad Hair Dude's uncle) who, in a brilliant move, stops Asuka – the guy who single handedly won a kendo tournament for his school – from fighting and decides to settle the argument by challenging the other guys like so: “let's see which beach hut can stay open”.

INSTEAD OF LETTING ASUKA KICK THEM SO HARD, THEIR BALLS FLY UP THEIR NOSES AND FALL INTO THE GUESTS' DRINKS, HE DECIDES TO COMPETE WITH THEM. Let me remind you: these are the guys that were trashing the place, bought all the fruit and use dirty schemes to keep their clientèle interested. Face. Fucking. Palm.

Some time after, they are sitting at the beach...and he chickens out. Again.

In the next episode: tacky aprons, archery and...candles. Lots of 'em.