Why hello thar, second-to-last episode.
Wait, what? We're back to Vincent?
Oh, I see what they're doing. They're giving us a
crack rift tour.
I like that font, but where the fuck is this?
Should have known. It's the prison she's in. I love her hair like that.
The world is nooooooooooooooooot enough! I always liked that Garbage video. And the song, obviously.
*snort* Okay, this was really cute.
Hm. What's Riversong up to?
HELLZ YEAH JACKIE BROWN. I mean, your Majesty.
Riversong: “The Doctor's in trouble, I need to find him. Also, have you seen my marvellous cleavage?”
Queen Liz: “Yes, I have. Very good indeed. Want to check out mine?”
[cut to awesome sex]
Oh, I'm sorry, I was just...imagining I wrote the show again. Never mind. The Doctor is in trouble, though.
Whoever dresses her has a lot of fun, don't you all agree?
She's staring at the ring. Also, EYES. HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW THEY LIKE TO SHOOT EYES A LOT? I SURE HAVEN'T. IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S BEEN IN EVERY OTHER EPISODE OR SOMETHING.
So, they've off to read some ancient writing that has never been deciphered.
Well, that settles it, then.
They then travel to Rome, where a soldier greets the Doctor like he's Caeser.
“Cleopatra will see you now.”
That Riversong sure kisses a lot of people.
She wrote on a cliff because he wouldn't answer his phone. Fair enough.
And this is the painting she wanted to deliver. Van Gogh had a vision and created this. That goddamn Batman! And his cosmic lemonade!
See, told you we'd see River again when this was in the title.
It's the three horsemen of the time vortex!
Btw, the painting has the same name as this episode.
I love when they showcase how pretty the UK is.
It's never that easy.
“What's in there, what could justify all this?”
My guess: not Daleks. And minutes after I said that, we hear a Dalek. GUESS I WAS WRONG, THEN. I hate being wrong. Oh, but there's Cyberman.
And Sontarans! And fart aliens! And Sychorax! And...shit just got real.
Their plan? To get the romans to attack.
“You're all barbarians now.”
Amy asks about the ring, the Doctor vaguely explains that things can't really be forgotten and...she doesn't get it. They get shot by a Cyberman's arm and to stop it, the Doctor asks Amy to step in the line of fire.
Best. Idea. Ever.